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Maybe I Should Be A Spy.   
11:27pm 11/01/2005
mood: tired
Being at home for this long with very little to do makes me feel really uncool. I need to start doing more cool things so that people will think I'm popular. Or maybe I should do things to actually make me popular. Whatever the case may be, I need to have my zest for life renewed.

Should I apply to suicidegirls.com?

(2 anointed | bless me)

I Want to Have a Baby.   
11:36pm 04/01/2005
mood: crazy
Me: we're all dorkuses
Me: and when we're walking together wheeling our babies and not complaining, we'll all laugh at what dorkuses we are
Stephanie: hehe...we should wheel our babies around together...that would be cute
Me: we've already decided what kind of old ladies we'd be... what kind of young moms would we be?
Stephanie: hmm
Me: Bronwen's babies would be wrapped in sarongs
Stephanie: hehe, totally...she'd be a total hippy mom
Me: her toddlers would have dreads
Me: and none of their clothes would match
Stephanie: you will totally bring your babies to art museums and avant garde films and theatre and play lots of Tom Waits and Nick Cave for them
Me: totally
Stephanie: and their clothes will always match
Stephanie: hehe
Me: they'll be dressed like little dolls all the time
Stephanie: that's just what i was about to say
Stephanie: hehe
Me: and they'll toddle around the house singing "Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon"
Stepanie: hahahaha, that will be awesome
Stephanie: you'll have to video record it and send me a copy
Me: you'll have to be there to witness it
Stephanie: oh totally
Me: because my kids and Bronwen's kids will always harass your kids
Me: hehe
Stephanie: hahaha
Stephanie: my poor kids
Me: but they'll be cute, though... they'll look like fairies
Stephanie: hehe, yeah...i'll be a hipster mom and we'll get our clothes from thrift stores and my house will be covered in there "art work", cause i'll totally be one of those moms that lets them color on the walls
Me: yes
Me: and they'll eat carob-chip cookies
Stephanie: hehe....they'll bring tofu to school for lunch
Me: and they'll talk like Marzipan
Stephanie: hahahaha
Me: and you'll have The Smiths buttons on your Snugli-bag
Stephanie: oh totally
Stephanie: we're gonna be the coolest moms ever
Me: we are... and our kids will totally put on shows together
Stephanie: totally
Me: Bronwen's kids will play the toy piano and the recorder, and our kids will flail around and recite slam poetry to it
Stephanie: awesome
Stephanie: i can't wait!
Stephanie: hehe
Me: me neither!
Me: I want to go off the pill now!
Stephanie: haha....not yet, lucy

(1 anointed | bless me)

04:31pm 04/01/2005
mood: bored
I'm really, really, really starting to lose interest in Livejournal. I don't ever feel like writing in it anymore. But I do like reading everyone else's.

If I keep it, I could still read everyone else's, but then I'd have to update mine from time to time so that people will know I'm alive.

If I get rid of it, I run the risk of falling out of touch with some of the lovely people I've friended.

Maybe I should just totally revamp it or something.

Or delete it and start a brand-new one.

What should I do?

(6 anointed | bless me)

Get Laid Or Something.   
07:26pm 25/12/2004
mood: mellow
I started to read D.H. Lawrence's Women in Love, and it's not grabbing me the same way Lady Chatterley's Lover did. I realized what the problem is.

I hate books about unmarried sisters.

(1 anointed | bless me)

Boys with bony hips and skinny muscles and large teeth.   
04:25pm 16/12/2004
mood: creative
I have been sitting at my computer with Writer's Gym material all day long. All day long.

I have been working so hard that I am literally starting to panic because I don't want to receive the telegram that my fiancé got blown up somewhere in Vichy. I have lost weight and I don't sleep. If he dies, I will kill myself. If he comes back, I will marry him immediately and when we make love we will hold each other's hands and stare into each other's eyes and not separate for hours after we have finished. We will sleep that way and we will never be away from each other ever again.

I am crazy like whoa.

(bless me)

12:25pm 15/12/2004
  I am slipping back into what I used to be. Help, help.  

(bless me)

There is a God.   
02:25am 14/12/2004
mood: blah
Things I have learned in the past couple of days:

1. The Protestants were onto something.
2. The harmonica is not really an instrument.
3. Watching too much TV WILL make you brain-damaged.
4. Families tend to suck.
5. Matt is not Eros or Endymion or David. He is just Matt. And I love Matt.

I need sleep. And a shower. At the same time.

(bless me)

Part DEUX!   
06:33am 03/12/2004
  How am I NOT stupid? Let me count the ways:

i. I am not the only person awake at this hour. Bronwen was up all night too, and she came to my room and told me a fabulous story of danger and mayhem and escape.

ii. We looked at The Facebook together and she made me feel better by saying that the beautiful girls who made fun of me look like white trash and probably had nose-and-boob-jobs. And on closer inspection, they kind of do.

iii. It's light out! Record all-nighter!

iv. One's period arrived, only a day late, and the delay was most probably due to stress. One can stop thinking of names and knitting baby booties now.

(bless me)

03:57am 03/12/2004
  How am I stupid? Let me count the ways:

i. It is ten of five in the a.m. and I for some reason am still awake.

ii. I am realizing that I will have to muster some great strength within the next twenty-four hours if I am to get myself on any kind of reasonable work schedule.

iii. I always make my anxiety ten times worse than it is, and in effect I mess up my whole being.

iv. I actually went and joined The Facebook.

v. Not only did I actually go and join The Facebook (which, as Blake so eloquently put it, can kiss my Assbook), I located several girls who were mean to me in middle school and essentially ruined the scrap of self-respect I had in my formative years.

vi. Some of them are twig-thin and absolutely devastatingly gorgeous, which makes my heart bleed. I am not sure what to rip off first, my face or my legs.

vii. I still can't find my goddamn body wash. It literally slipped through the fucking vortex.

(2 anointed | bless me)

And God Said, "NO! I'M NOT READY YET!"   
11:27pm 24/11/2004
mood: amused
Okay, so I'm at home, it's Thanksgiving break, I'm going to stuff myself rotten, etcetera and company and junk. Everyone knows that. However, something monstrous has happened. I love how just as I get bored with Livejournal, something absolutely monstrous happens.

Here's the backstory:Collapse )

Here's the monstrous thing that's just happened:Collapse )

My parents think it's hysterical.

(11 anointed | bless me)

Because I'm Bored, It's Fun, It's Stupid, and It's Not About Rabbits.   
10:53pm 22/11/2004
mood: hoppity
[x] kissed a member of the same sex.
[ ] crashed a friend's car.
[ ] been to Japan.
[x] ridden in a taxi.
[x] are in love.
[x] been dumped.
[x] shoplifted.
[ ] been fired.
[ ] been in a fist fight.
[x] snuck out of your parent's house.
[x] ever had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] ever dated someone of the same sex.
[ ] had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] been arrested.
[x] made out with a stranger.
[ ] stole something from your job.
[ ] celebrated New Years in Times Square, New York.
[x] gone on a blind date.
[ ] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[x] been to Europe.
[x] skipped school.
[ ] slept with a co-worker.
[ ] cut myself on purpose.
[ ] been married.
[ ] gotten divorced.
[ ] had children.
[ ] seen someone die.
[ ] been to Africa.
[ ] are going out with one of your livejournal friends.
[x] slapped someone you loved Not in a serious manner though. (This one is totally stupid, by the way.)
[ ] driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival/concert.
[x] been to Canada.
[ ] been to Mexico
[x] been on a plane.
[x] seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] thrown up in a bar.
[ ] purposely set a part of yourself on fire.
[ ] been snowboarding.
[x] eaten sushi.
[x] met someone in person from the internet.
[ ] met someone in person from livejournal.
[ ] met someone in person from myspace.
[ ] taken painkillers for fun.
[ ] intentionally burned yourself.
[x] miss someone right now.
[x] kissed just a friend
[x] have a boyfriend/girlfriend right now.
[ ] ever been asked to a formal dance.
[ ] sick and tired of the opposite sex.
[ ] lived in your own place that you've paid for. (I took the liberty of correcting the spelling.)
[x] worked a full time job.
[x] been moshing at a concert.
[ ] own an ipod
[ ] have worn a 'members only' jacket.
[x] have/had a roommate.
[x] have the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme memorized.
[x] been to both coasts.
[ ] have eaten at Big Boy.
[x] have 5 or more scarves.
[ ] dated your professor.
[ ] drink coffee.
[ ] smoke like it was your job.
[ ] burned a cd for someone that meant a lot to you, but they could care less how you arranged the tracks.
[ ] drank transatlantique.
[x] wanted someone you can't have.
[ ] read one hundred years of solitude.
[ ] love mcdonalds breakfast with your entire heart.

(bless me)

Not in a gay way.   
05:16pm 22/11/2004
mood: bored
I am so bored with everything.

I am so glad that break is coming tomorrow.

I'm bored with my work.
I'm bored with this campus.
I'm bored with the entertainment options available to me right now.
I'm bored with my clothes and my room and my stuff.
I'm even bored with Livejournal, which is why I haven't touched it in several millenia.

All I want to do this week is curl up and lie around and eat nice homecooked food and go to the park with Matt and learn to knit. I seriously want to learn to knit this week, and I seriously think I'm going to. It's preferable to choosing a conference paper topic. Thank god for year-long classes.

This is Boring Ground Control signing off.

(bless me)

10:33pm 17/11/2004
mood: pleased
I actually have one nice platonic male friend. But he's not here this year. But he's still my nice platonic friend.

Nice friend: i was just thinking about you the other day, actually
Nice friend: and brought you up to chris
Nice friend: in terms of folks we'd like to see back at slc
Nice friend: he agreed readily
Nice friend: if for no other reason
Nice friend: than to see how you looked
Nice friend: as you got progressively hotter over the course of our college career
Lucy: awwww
Nice friend: he wanted to see how that was going for you
Nice friend: and i had to agree
Lucy: "how that was going for you"
Nice friend: lol
Nice friend: yeah, well you know
Lucy: like I was ugly for a while and then I tried being hot and it worked out so I kept it up
Nice friend: lol
Nice friend: no
Nice friend: like you were cute
Nice friend: a solid 7 when you got there
Nice friend: then worked up to an 8
Nice friend: and were pushing 8 1/2 when we last saw you
Nice friend: but getting hotter in a more womanly way
Nice friend: no longer cute
Nice friend: becoming a beautiful woman
Nice friend: college treated you well
Lucy: awwww.... that's so nice of you to say so
Nice friend: not any of that lame ass blooming stuff
Nice friend: you were already in full bloom
Nice friend: if you know what i mean
Nice friend: but like
Nice friend: in terms of confidence and presentation
Nice friend: you were becoming more complete
Nice friend: and we both cared about you
Nice friend: and were happy to see it happening
Nice friend: and happy to see your fine fine ass. hahaha.(gotta turn it around at the end there)
Lucy: I saw that coming, but I didn't want to spoil it
Nice friend: well thank you
Nice friend: i gotta get my kicks somewhere

Our first year he said that I reminded him of his sister. I wish he was here so then he could see how I look and he could meet Matt (who he would totally approve of) and he could say, "Wow, you've actually done several things right this time. I'm very proud of you."

(bless me)

Just like old times.   
01:09pm 07/11/2004
mood: pensive
Matt and I are highly disturbed by the recent murder- or should I say assassination- of Theo Van Gogh. We are highly, highly disturbed. An artist who is politically and socially conscious is valuable; an artist who devotes his career to speaking for those who are under-represented or disenfranchised is absolutely invaluable. It takes a very special kind of person to commit themselves that fully to humanitarian causes; I certainly don't know if I have that kind of courage. I'd like to build up to it. The idea that an artist could be so brutally murdered simply for portraying atrocities with compassion is terrifying, and the idea that even the most benign sympathies could be construed as dangerous by the most extreme right factions in the world (I'm thinking about Todd Solondz' upcoming Palindromes) is even more terrifying. Being an artist is even more risky than being a politician.

I like that Matt and I can do wholesome things like take long walks and watch the leaves and get ice cream but there is something so intense underneath that which allows us to discuss things like the one cited above. Sometimes I feel like I'm still at Sarah Lawrence, but it's actually the 1940's.

(bless me)

After the Everything.   
02:35pm 04/11/2004
mood: thoughtful
I am becoming very zen about everything.

Of course, I am horrified and terrified and apprehensive about the concession. I too think that the Second Horseman of the Apocalypse has arrived. I have just patted my uterus good-bye, just in case. However, I'm even more disturbed by the zombie-like gloom that has settled over Scary Larry. From what I've been reading, and the brief outside world time I've had since the news, it seems like the rest of the world is suffering from a similar gloom. And it's draining. Blake and I decided that it's like when a close relative that you don't really see often enough suddenly dies, and you're sad, but not sad enough to shut yourself off from everyone and really cry about it. It's so wearing.

But it's also so not worth it. As John Kerry said yesterday, as Margaret Cho said, as the MoveOn team said, this is only a reason for everyone to continue their fight. If both coasts sink into utter apathy, that's exactly what the new administration wants. Regardless of whether or not we have a Republican/conservative majority in the country, it's still the country of those who don't share those views, and it is not doing anyone any good if everyone with minority views acts like there's no hope. We can't stop asserting our concerns; we just have to assert them a little harder now.

Ed Baker said yesterday in class that no president in recent history who ever served a second term has ever had an easy time. Nixon imploded; Reagan imploded. If anything, this result is a relief because it signals the beginning of the end. And the end will come much, much sooner, because it already cannot become more glaringly obvious how much the administration has failed, so for it to become any more obvious would really be the sign of major, major changes. And the people in Middle America who are being the hardest hit by all of the president's recent decisions but have been brainwashed into thinking that he is acting in their interests because he is the "working man's president" will be mightily upset, but they will have to act.

I really, honestly believe that the country has the potential for great change. It will take a long time, I'm sure; but if other nations can pull themselves out of dictatorships and create a semblance of democracy and restore the most basic human rights to their citizens, I certainly think that we can. But we cannot feel totally defeated for that to happen. Nor can the two coasts secede, nor can we all go to Canada. We just have to act a lot harder. I certainly feel like I have to.

But right now, we just have to keep going. We have to start planning ahead. I have to clean my room in a huge way. It's the only way that I will not just curl up and be terrified.

This vanilla maple tea tastes like hot water with a shaving of yam in it.

(3 anointed | bless me)

Language is a virus.   
02:58pm 02/11/2004
mood: nervous
I'm getting over my illness, which is nice. I missed out on any chance to do any kind of Halloween activity, which blows.

I'm back on a normal sleep schedule, which is nice. I'm afraid that I have another stress-induced psychosomatic issue now, which blows.

I voted this afternoon, which is nice. I'm terrified about the results, which blows.

The outside is beautiful, which is nice. My room looks like Fallujah, which blows.

I have an hour and a half of time, which is nice. I have to use it to finish Orientalism, before I have to give a presentation on it in class, which BLOWS.

(bless me)

Feed Me.   
03:39pm 30/10/2004
mood: lazy
It's a rainy Saturday afternoon. Your hair is bothering you, so you decide to cut it.

You put on your Cream and your Dead Kennedys and your Pixies and you get to work on your bangs, which are more than halfway down your face. Not exactly bangs anymore. You get to work.

Half an hour later, you look a little bit like Hayley Mills. In Pollyanna.

The upside is that if you do choose to go out for Halloween, you will make a passable Barbarella. The bad news is Hayley Mills for Christ's sake.

You are not terribly alarmed because it will a) adjust to the shock and move in a more sophisticated direction in your sleep, b) grow out again, c) both.

The only alarming thing is that it is not 1969 nor is it 1979 nor is it 1987. And you are not sixteen. It is 2004, you are twenty and a half, you should know better than to cut your own hair, and it's time to put your Interpol back on.


(6 anointed | bless me)

The Money to Roll In.   
04:50pm 28/10/2004
mood: sick
I discovered this morning that I am not simply overtired- I am SICK. My throat has a ginormous lump in it which was hurting so bad my NECK was sore too, and my glands are really swollen. The headache and the whole-body aches have subsided, fortunately. Hopefully the doctor's office will call me back soon. Until then, all I really need is bedrest.

Want to know how you can be a total doll? If you come to Titsworth 24 with any of the following:

Water bottles
Hot tea (preferrably peppermint or chamomile)
Toast with butter

I swear I will love you forever and be in your debt. I will even take care of you when you are sick (and it's going around, so believe me, you WILL get sick). Thank you so much, pretty friends.

(3 anointed | bless me)

Mommy, You Crazy.   
05:52pm 23/10/2004
mood: working
My mom has been following the Red Sox for the past week. She says that if they win the World Series, my grandfather will rise from the grave.

I would like to see that, actually.

(bless me)

The Depths of My Brain.   
12:32am 23/10/2004
mood: lazy
At 12:30 on a Friday night, I'm trying to write a paper on The Wild Duck. I am such an asshole. It's not exactly coming along- I'm only on page 3 out of 8-10. But oh well.

Why is this all so hard?

Was Ibsen a sadist? Or is Joe Lauinger a sadist? Discuss.

(bless me)