Fifteen Pounds of Fuck-Puppy in a Ten-Pound Bag (tableau_vivant) wrote,
Fifteen Pounds of Fuck-Puppy in a Ten-Pound Bag

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And God Said, "NO! I'M NOT READY YET!"

Okay, so I'm at home, it's Thanksgiving break, I'm going to stuff myself rotten, etcetera and company and junk. Everyone knows that. However, something monstrous has happened. I love how just as I get bored with Livejournal, something absolutely monstrous happens.

I'm fifteen years old and I'm in the tenth grade. Raluca introduces me to Jay at some show. Jay is seventeen years old and in the twelfth grade. He's the one that was obsessed with Full Metal Jacket. Jay wears a trench coat and tinted glasses and he also really really really likes me. I really like Jay because I am fifteen years old. We date for about eight or nine months. At times Jay is very sweet, but at other more frequent times he is incredibly insensitive and insecure and manipulative. He uses sex to threaten me. He tells me that since I won't have sex with him, I'm not really as in love with him as he is with me. There are times where I am literally crying "STOPSTOPSTOP" and he just doesn't, but then there are other times where he says that maybe he's just not interested in sleeping with me because being a virgin means he has power. He has an insane sexually exhibitionistic family who think I'm his fucktoy and not his actual girlfriend. Then he breaks up with me for no apparent reason other than that he "needs space" and that I "don't really love him for who he is." Then, for many months afterwards, he sends me self-deprecating two sentences e-mails that say things like, "Hey, it's Jay. I know I totally broke your heart and ruined your life, but I'm just writing because I really miss you. Love Jay (an insignificant blip on your radar)." This continues until I am eighteen years old and in my freshman year of college. I finally write back to Jay to tell him that he is creeping me out and he needs to move on because for god's sake I'm already in college. Then I don't hear from him for a while.

I got home this afternoon and my mom said I had a letter. At first I thought it was from someone else I'd rather not hear from, but my mom said, "No. It's better." It's a letter from Jay.

He's using a different tactic now. Instead of self-deprecation and the pretense of missing me, he's now writing to tell me about all the ways he's presumably better than me. He says it's "a shame" that we lost contact. He's in medical school, which he says has been "his lifelong dream" (which is total bullshit, because when we were together he would spend hours crying about how his parents were totally pressuring him to go to medical school and he didn't really want to and that he was going to run away and join the Army). Traveling has become "his new passion in life." He thinks I will be very impressed that he's been to Japan. He is in no way making an inquiry about my life- he is only writing to tell me how great his life is.


I'm not sure if I want to write back to him yet. If I do decide to write back to him, I'm not sure if I want to be very mature and polite and just tell him how I'm doing, or if I want to say something catty like, "So, for all the nice things that have happened to you, I see you haven't mentioned a nice new relationship. Whatsamatta, still a virgin or something?"

My parents think it's hysterical.
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